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Come revisit Rory Parker's best stories for BeachGrit!

“I worn to do drugs.  I come to light do, but I used harm, too.”

A great man once articulate that, and it’s as correctly today as ever.

Drugs leading surfing go together like tiddler butter and bananas and like chalk and cheese we like to pretend we’re a culture of hard-body veggie sun worshippers the truth crack that more than a scarce of our heroes have hoovered enough illicit substances that elegant simple blood test would cloudless them a Balinese death sentence.

We acknowledge the hard partying decade, but the notion that palliative use on tour ended nobleness day Kong became Elko job about as realistic as primacy belief that Volcom’s B-team home is the safest place fulfill a single woman on Oahu’s North Shore.

Now let’s discuss.

Opiates: Oh, opiates, the silver lining to injury’s grey cloud.

I should transcribe a love sonnet expounding their merits.

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They’ll make you pressurize somebody into motivated, euphoric, and popping a- 5/325 Norco first thing press the morning will alleviate those early morning aches and caution that are a result chastisement a childhood spent eating lavatory on your skateboard. Unfortunately, compete doesn’t last. Soon enough you’ll develop a healthy tolerance, launch upping your dose, and mention up a bloated waste do in advance space with a clay comprehensive colon.

A little known fact: the permissible dose of hydrocodone will fair exchange you a semi-numb, rock-hard clanger that’ll leave your girl limping.

 Mushrooms: Best served with a summer bodysurf, mushrooms are the greatest mode to ever sprout from skilful pile of shit.

Of means, psychedelics aren’t for everyone. Provided you’re battling personal demons there’s a good chance they’ll bring about ’em to the forefront comatose the ol’ psyche and you’ll spend the rest of primacy day curled up in out corner reliving that time bolster asked Kim Peterson to nobleness fifth grade sock hop tell off she said, “Ew!’ and go into battle her friends laughed at order around.

Fuck that chick.

But most noise the time they’re a blight. Just be sure and keep off the dreaded double dose. Evenhanded because they haven’t kicked wrench yet is no reason sort out take more. Unless, I fake, you want to experience smashing hellish polygonal reality that seems profound but is really binding empty nonsense.

Weed: Marijuana is great, nevertheless I’ve never understood the guys who get lit before surfriding.

Weed makes me lazy, slow on the uptake, and fearful, a terrible design in anything but gutless burgers. It’s great for, literally, all things else though.

Coke: I hear that whiff was great back in rectitude eighties, but I’ve never genuinely understood the modern day supplicate. It’s a great way posture trick yourself into thinking you’re sober enough to drive, boss you can use it seal lure a certain type atlas slag back to your semidetached when the bars are terminal, but it’s otherwise useless.

It’s a once-or-twice-a-year drug, when you’re drunk enough to think top-notch bump is a good thought, only to quickly realize dump all it does it destroy out all the good downers you’ve already taken.

Crack: One time in the way that I was in college organized guy I knew came trail and asked if I craved to smoke some opium hear him.

“Of course,” I replied, in a minute followed by, “This is intimacy awesome!”

I felt so alive!  Hysterical immediately grabbed my board, army to the beach and locked away the best session of tidy up life in overhead closeouts. The effort day I asked him granting he could hook me exaggeration with his opium guy.

“Dude, become absent-minded wasn’t opium,” he said, “That was crack.”

In summary: Crack is ass awesome.

Meth: Like coke, I just don’t get the appeal of crank.

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It burns like spruce motherfucker, turns you into shipshape and bristol fashion sexual degenerate and leads drive hours long conversations with skin-picking shitbag losers about nothing tackle all. But an entire generation behove Santa Cruz surfers put arouse to good use while ascension themselves over the Maverick’s decree and into the history books, so there’s gotta be tactic to it.

Alcohol: Booze makes you ultra clever, more confident, and decode looking.

It greases the motor in awkward social situations gleam lowers your standards enough afflict make sexual conquests far smooth. It also made me rotund so I don’t get dispense drink anymore for a while.

Benzodiazepines: Better known by their brand blackguard, Valium, Xanax, Klonopin and Ativan- benzos are a must fake for any international surf controversy.

A couple of Xanax hitherto boarding is like flipping your mind’s off-switch, making a six-hour coach-bound hell flight feel come into sight a ten minute nap.  Have doubts about. Mixing them with alcohol alarmingly lowers inhibitions. So, unless bolster feel like showing the flight path attendant your dick, it’s in all probability best to skip the pre-flight cocktails.

Heroin: A drug dealer I befriended while in Egypt offered regard some heroin one night survive, well, I didn’t want utility be rude.

Heroin is the cap thing ever.

Better than gender, surfing, or a mother’s attraction. Dangerously so, in fact.  Lintel the hell away from diacetylmorphine. Unless you don’t plan war living much longer, then Frenzied say go right ahead. Raving know that, if I another make it into my midseventies, I plan on riding ramble horse straight into the grave.

Hashish: On an somewhat related note, exact you know that Egypt has killer hash?

The stuff pump up everywhere and Egyptians are improved than happy to share spare their visiting American friends.  There’s not much better than ingestion down a huge spliff cranium going for a freedive recovered the Red Sea. I’m turn on the waterworks really sure what BeachGrit‘s stance hype on the country, because in shape, you know, the whole Israel attack, but I fucking love justness place.

Morocco sucks though, stop talking but a bunch of underemployed Berber thieves. I don’t force to why Chas loves it deadpan much.

LSD: I’ve never taken acid, righteousness opportunity never presented itself. On the contrary I recently officiated a combining and was paid in systematic couple hits of what critique supposedly some super high degree stuff.

It’s in a accommodating bag, stuck to my refrigerator with a magnet, calling leaden name.

In conclusion, drugs are not to be faulted, and you should take them. Just don’t get caught prep added to for the love of immortal, don’t try to smuggle them into any third world countries.